


Kween Karen Lays an Egg (OUCH!)

by rgii55447



Category: Wings of Fire - Tui T. Sutherland
Genre: Bully Maguire, Childbirth, Easter Egg Hunt, Egg Laying, Egg sitting, Evil Fetus, Evil Piece of Fetal Tissue, Explosions, F/M, Fetal Brat, Fun, Hatchlings, Humor, Ouch, Pain, Queen Coral Torture, SeaWings (Wings of Fire), Sony Camcorder, Stupidity, Tape recorder, Time Warner, Vomiting, prankster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28667835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rgii55447/pseuds/rgii55447
Summary: Kween Karen (Oops, Queen Coral) is about to lay her first egg, and she knows it's going to be the biggest sparkly moment in Pyrrhia history. Or is it?  Rated T for Not-That-Graphic, but Brutal Depictions of Comedic Egg Laying. For those who gain some morbid sense of amusement out of watching the Queen of the SeaWings suffer (Inspired by Stupid Wings of Fire Wiki, including personal contributions)
Relationships: Coral & Orca (Wings of Fire), Coral/Gill (Wings of Fire)
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

Kween Karen (Sorry, Queen Coral), was about to lay an egg, and it was the best moment in her life. Queen Coral of the SeaWings and King Gill were going to have their first baby, and perhaps their first heir together as royal leaders of the SeaWings, and when that day came, it would be the most sparkly beautiful day that Pyrrhia had ever seen.

Now of course there were naysayers. Take Queen Coral’s midwife for example:

“Oh no, there is nothing sparkly and beautiful about laying an egg. It hurts worse than anything, and you’ll be screaming your head off like there is no such thing as dignity in the world.”

 _Hmm! A Queen is ALWAYS dignified,_ Queen Coral thought.

Queen Coral had had her midwife completely annihilated.

_I don’t need her. When I have my egg, it will be the most sparkly perfect thing anyone has ever seen. Hmm! Midwives, think they know everything._


	2. Chapter 2

“How’re you doing?” Gill asked. Queen Coral had just gone into labor a few minutes ago, and from the expression on her face, Gill couldn’t help but feel a little worried.

“I’M DOING PERFECT!” Queen Coral screamed in her most sweet, bubbly voice. “CAN’T YOU TELL!?”

“That’s great.” Gill replied all his anxiety evaporating in an instant. “I can’t wait ‘til the baby is born.”

“BELIEVE ME, I CAN’T WAIT EITHER!” Coral gasped through sparkly rainbows of excruciating agony.

And things would have continued being perfect for Coral, except Orca was inside that egg, and Orca was an animus.

And animus dragons could do anything.

So, Orca used her animus powers to find out what was happening outside the egg, outside momma.

“Ooh, this hurts her,” said Orca, a mischievous rebel at heart even now, “I can have fun with this.”

Meanwhile Coral was in sheer agony, just suffering to hold in her Queenly dignity. The contractions were just too intense. Wave after wave of pain, the muscles in her belly loosening and tightening at rapid pace.

And Orca timed it perfectly. Another wave was coming; the muscles just about to tighten around the egg.

And that’s when she did it. Using her animus powers, Orca expanded the egg to nearly double it’s size, the muscles set to tighten forced to expand.

If a Queens is always dignified, at that moment Coral ceased being a Queen. Screams and inaudible strings of gibberish insults erupted from her mouth.

Now Gill, charmed by the fact that Coral was laying his egg, decided now was a good time to take out the tape recorder and start recording.

“Smile for the camera.”

Queen Coral would have ripped that tape recorder from his talons and thrown it at his face so hard it would have shattered into a million pieces. But Orca chose that moment to shrink the egg back down to its normal size, just as a contraction was loosening. It was like being slapped by a rubber-band except a million times more painful, and Coral collapsed to the floor leaving Gill and the videotape unharmed.

And Orca was just beginning, how many different sizes could she change into in her momma’s belly? How much fun she could have with this while she still had the chance.

And so it began:

“Size of hat!”

“Size of a peanut butter jelly sandwich!”

“Size of Washing Machine!”

Timing each and every change perfectly with the contractions for maximum impact.

And Queen Coral had totally lost it, any form of Queenly dignity out the window as she shouted and screamed her brains out like a complete lunatic. (She clearly wasn’t as amused by this as the rest of the world for some reason).

Gill on the other talon, was quite enjoying this (obviously because it wasn’t happening to him), with his tape recorder on hand and all that, never missing a glorious moment of his baby being born.

“Size of Scavenger!”

“Size of Kitty Cat.”

“Size of Queen Coral herself!”

Queen Coral’s eyes bulged. She couldn’t even open her mouth, could only give out a desperate “MMMM-MMMM-MMMMMMM!” as she scrambled for a position where she could let her belly flatten out. Unfortunately, when you have an egg inside you as big as yourself, your flattening out your belly is not an option.

“Size of Nintendo!”

“Size of Toyota!”

“Size of Panda Express!”

“Size of Gameboy Advance!”

But this only went so far. What could Orca do more?

A wicked grin crept up the little scoundrel of a fetus’ face.

“Size of Jade Mountain!”

Well, because this is a comedy (or because Orca was an animus and decided she still needed a momma for awhile yet, you decide) Queen Coral did not explode. But also being a comedy, it hurt just the same. (Well, I guess if you look at it from the perspective of Coral, it was downright some sort of morbid torture-horror mutant, but whatever, we aren’t Coral, so we’ll call it a comedy)

But just because Coral didn’t explode didn’t mean the ocean didn’t. The SeaWing Kingdom was just to small to fit a belly the size of Coral’s without consequences. So there came a tsunami so great, it covered the whole continent of Pyrrhia (Giving inspiration for the name of another daughter Coral would later have).

The IceWings were playing a game of cards when the wave hit.

“The SeaWings must be having an animus.” One of them surmised, shaking the water off. Before returning to their game.

“Size of an Atom!”

The rubber band effect that followed was so powerful it broke the sound barrier creating a sonic boom that could be heard all across Pyrrhia.

“Yep, definitely an animus,” said the IceWing, casually laying down a blackjack.

But finally, Orca was growing tired, and she didn’t want to waste too much of her Soul on this (if she ever had any at all the little brat), so she decided to close it off. But just because she was done didn’t mean she was going to make it any easier on Coral.

“Size of subway train!”

Queen Coral barfed. (Obviously eggs didn’t sit well with her)

 _There, get that out of yourself,_ Orca thought curling back into her fetal position to rest.

But while Orca finally got to relax, Queen Coral still had a long way to go.

And Gill captured every single moment of it on the tape recorder.

_I’ll return the egg to normal tomorrow, after they’re done laying me._


	3. Chapter 3

It was three days before Kween Coral could move again, Orca had returned her egg back to it's normal size during that time, so Coral still had no idea she was an animus. After stretching out her sore limbs and giving out 50 moans, Coral figured she could make the short trip needed to perform her Queenly Duties.

Queen Coral had invaded King Gills mancave within a minute.

"Hey Coral Babe," Gill said, "Welcome to my mancave. Don't I look hot and manly in here?"

Hot and Sweaty was more like it, which was kind of nice, but Queen Coral wasn't here to admire the aroma.

Shelves of all King Gill's video cassettes lined the walls, and in an instant Coral was upon them tearing them to shreds, every single one of them.

Gill gaped in horror.

"No wait!" Cried Gill, throwing himself in front of them, "You can't-

Coral kicked him where he wouldn't forget (or maybe he would forget. The brain does have a way of suppressing very traumatic memories of suffering, and she kicked him very hard (Not that Coral knew anything about suppressed memories, all her memories were 100% sparkly)).

So as Gill crumpled to the ground, Coral finished the job.

She even got to throw that tape recorder at Gill like she planned, managing to hit him right where she kicked him, causing in to shatter into a million pieces.

Once done, she turned to leave.

"I'm going for a swim. You want to come with me sweaty?"

"No, I'm good." Said Gill, moaning on the floor, clutching his injury with his talons like there was no tomorrow. "Have fun."

"You too."

With that, Coral fled the castle. She could use the fresh water (which is just a fancy way of saying "glorified salt water" that was outside).

She entered into the SeaWing City, which suspiciously did not look like the city in Shark Tale (mostly because I haven't seen that movie in a long time), and it was all going well until she saw the billboard.

"Queen Coral Lays an Egg! Coming soon to theaters in IMAX 3-D"

Turns out Time Warner had acquired the distribution rights to Gill's tape, and there were already one million copies set to be released Pyrrhia-wide in just a few days.

And Coral was invited to the premier that Friday by the producers.

Coral had that invitation completely annihilated.


	4. Chapter 4

“PG!” Screamed Queen Coral. “How is this not Rated R, or at least PG-13?!”

“King Gill only recorded your front half,” replied the rating person dragon. “Thus, PG.” (Because that’s how the Rating System works apparently.)

“Well here’s a Rating for you,” Shouted Coral, “UP!”

“Well wouldn’t that make the rating itself rated PG?” Asked the Rating Person Dragon. (Although some early 2000s movies could probably get away with a G Rating with a reference like that.)

“UP,” replied Queen Coral coolly, “For UNPATRIOTIC!”

So _Queen Coral Lays an Egg_ was the first movie to be Rated UP (Although that Rating would later be challenged with Trademark Infringement on a certain property from Disney+’s Buena Vista Studios).

“It’s a disgrace,” Coral Declared at a Press Release Conference, “No true Queen would act like that. Warner Brothers makes these movies, and they lie.”

“But wasn’t the movie recorded with live footage?” Interviewer Ellen DeDragoness asked.

“You know the camera never does it justice.” Queen Coral responded.

That night Gill saw Coral come home from a long day of interviews all stressed. Suddenly a brilliant idea came to him.

“Hey Coral Babes,” He started, “Do you want to go to the movies with me tonight? Webs can watch our egg.”

Coral thought this would be a good idea, to give her a chance to wind down.

“What movie is it again?” Coral asked as the trailers rolled, not bothering to have checked the ticket on the way in.

Gill just smiled. This movie was sure to cheer her up. It sure did him. It’d bring back so many happy memories.

The Warner Brothers Logo…

The Title came on the screen…

**QUEEN CORAL LAYS AN EGG!**

The next day the theater had to close unexpectedly for repairs, as one of their projectors and screening rooms had been mysteriously annihilated during one of the showings last night.


	5. Chapter 5

Nearly a year had passed since that disgraceful 3-billion dollar grossing movie had come out and things were starting to calm down. Of course there were still Blu-Rays and DVDs, and HBO Max and whatever these movies come out on nowadays, and then there were the memes (such as _Bully Maguire Bullies Kween Karen_ which went something like this:

BULLY MAGUIRE: Pizza Time!

KWEEN KAREN: Get that ~~camera~~ pizza out of here Gill, or I will kill you!

BULLY MAGUIRE: You’re trash.

KWEEN KAREN: Ow! My back!

BULLY MAGUIRE: My back, oh my back. I missed the part where that’s my problem.

BULLY MAGUIRE: Look at little Queen Coral Junior, you gonna cry?

KWEEN KAREN screams.

KWEEN KAREN: A Queen is too dignified for this sort of thing!

BULLY MAGUIRE: You should have thought of that earlier.

KWEEN KAREN finishes laying egg.

BULLY MAGUIRE: Is that all you got?

Did I seriously add an 11-paragraph meme monologue in parentheses the middle of one sentence?), and of course it got nominated for 5 Academy Awards (Including Best Actress, which Queen Coral gladly accepted), but after a year, _Queen Coral Lays an Egg_ was no longer in the spotlight as it was right after it’s initial release, and the world was moving on to the next big Marvel or Pixar film or whatever.

Queen Coral had laid more eggs since then (some of the results almost as amusing as the first one), but Gill was yet to get his camera replaced (every time he announced he was going out to get a new one, the cameras were mysteriously annihilated just before he got there, and Queen Coral was coincidently always just around the corner waiting to swim home with him), so unfortunately, despite _Queen Coral Lays an Egg_ ’s remarkable success, there were sadly no sequels in development (much to the disappointment of fans).

After the egg had hatched, Queen Coral decided to help curb the hype, and write her own “more accurate” reimagining of the events in her glamorized scroll _The Super Perfect, Sparkly Day I had Princess Orca_.

The scroll received negative reviews due to it’s “Unfaithful adaption to its source material, _Queen Coral Lays an Egg_.” One critic said, “This author obviously knows nothing about laying an egg, and is an insult to Queen Coral’s legacy.”

This was the only of Queen Coral’s works to be critically panned.


	6. Chapter 6

The day of Orca’s hatching had finally come, and Gill had finally got a new tape recorder to capture the event (a fancy HD Sony HandyCam with 9.2 Megapixels and 60X clear image zoom to be exact). Now for many creatures, when it’s time for their little baby to come into the world, it means a world of suffering for the poor mother who has to give birth. But for Dragons and other creatures that lay eggs, by the time the egg hatches, the hardest part is already over.

Orca the little monster couldn’t have that!

So, Orca used her animus powers one last time to ensure a spectacular hatchingday Queen Coral would never forget.

The egg started to crack. Coral and Gill stood around in anticipation.

“It’s finally coming!” Queen Coral squealed with glee.

It cracked some more. Then some more… Orca was coming…

And then it stopped. The egg completely silent.

“Wha-“ Coral said, looking at the egg. And then she saw it. Carved across the surface, written out with the cracks of the egg, were these words: “FOR HATCHING, PLEASE SIT HERE.”

Coral and Gill looked at each other, unsure how to proceed. Yeah some animals sit on their eggs, but wasn’t now a little late for that?

It did not matter, Coral decided, if the egg needed a good sitting to hatch, it would get a good sitting.

So Coral plopped herself down on the egg.

And waited.

There was silence for a moment…

Then BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM BOOOOOOOOM! (Don't tell me explosions don't go Boomy Boom Boom. This is Orca's explosion, it can't sound however she wants.)

The egg exploded with all the force of a nuclear weapon, right under Queen Coral’s poor-

While, of course Orca needed the SeaWing Kingdom intact, so it of course nothing was destroyed in the blast (and because it’s a comedy), but still… Not very fun. Made Queen Coral sad.

Also, Gill no longer had his HD Sony HandyCam with 9.2 Megapixels and 60X clear image zoom after that day.

Good thing he sold the distribution rights to Times Warner first.


	7. Chapter 7

As the dust cleared, Queen Coral limped toward the fragments of the egg. Inside was an grinning baby SeaWing.

Cautiously, Coral picked her up and looked into her adorable eyes.

“Oh, my baby…” She said.

“She’s so adorable,” Gill said at her side.

“My little Orca,” Coral continued to look at her sweet baby. “Okay time to go to the corner. You’ve been a naughty girl.”

So Coral rotated Orca in her arms and gently plopped her down in the corner.

As Coral and Gill stared at their daughter in affection, Gill turned to Coral.

“Orca, that’s a nice name.” He said, “But I would have rathered Epic Buffalo Lady.”

“I know, but I had to think of something.” Coral continued to watch her hatchling, “What do you think her first word will be?”

“I bet it’ll be dadda.” Gill piped up happily.

“No, it’s definitely gonna be momma.” Coral argued.

And that’s when Orca spoke her first words: “I chawenge you to Kween of dee SeaWingzz.”

Coral snapped her head to her, “Quiet, you’re in the corner.”

Orca grumbled to herself. She would have to try again later.


End file.
